Every now and again I wake up in the middle of the night and my first thought is of the weather in japan. Not sure why in particular its been the last year or so that I keep thinking about the place. I've never been so its an odd but welcomed nostalgic feeling. There was this anime I use to watch when I was growing up called Natsume Yūjin-chō (English: Natsume's Book of Friends) which always gives me the same feeling of warmth and think of it fondly as one of the shows the made my childhood and left a mark on my into adulthood.
I related so much to the character going up, even though it was about seeing mythical creators the core thing was he was a lonely kid who could see what others couldn't and often misunderstood by those closest to him so he did what we all would do, retreat into ourselves, not trusting others and keeping things to himself even if they were clearly good for him to share. I think growing up in a war ridden country with family split everywhere made me become not just an overthinker but somewhat of a loner, not externally as I had loads of friends but internally I never really opened up to anyone, I would observe and deduce how I should behave and often lead conversation in a way where people mostly talked about themselves and felt I listened which I did but truth is I did it as a defensive mechanism as talking about me felt like a risk. Even amongst family a lot of the time I felt different and couldn't connect beyond light jokes and laughs.
— Written in the quiet hours